My Longest Year

"you know...the book with the girl in a skirt on the cover"

Is it just me or are book cover designers suddenly at a loss for new ideas?

I know, I know, this post is somewhat random but I just couldn't help it.   

There's also the "just legs" option:

From a marketing perspective, I'm sure this is done so frequently for good reason - something to do with the target audience identifying with the clothing or pensive pose or relating to the flip-flops or high heels or blah blah blah.  Whatever; it's still kind of obnoxious.

Is it awful that I notice this stuff...and then actually take the time to post about it? 

the girlfriend wrap: a truly no-sew, no-fuss handmade gift

It's not too late to give a handmade gift to your friend, daughter, sister, or mother-in-law. An actually-useful gift that I've given and made for myself several times now.  I'm talking about the Girlfriend Wrap - a fleece blanket-slash-wrap thingy that is actually quite pretty.

This is about as simple as it gets: no talent, no creativity, no yarn-spinning ability required.  Just a yard of fleece and a pair of scissors (or pinking shears or pinking rotary cutter - just use what you have).

To Make:

1.  Lay out your fleece.

2.  Cut up the middle, stopping 16 - 20 inches short of cutting it entirely in half (see diagram)

3.  (Optional) Round the corners using a large cup or plate.

For this project I picked a thinner fleece with a sort of heathered pattern.  These wraps are really useful around the house as a couch wrap, or perfect for warming up at a party without totally spoiling your outfit with a coat.  They can be worn a couple of ways, as demonstrated here by my friend Amy (who loved this wrap so much I gave it to her for her birthday last week).  It was bright out, so apologies for the blown-out pictures.

Here is another spin on the same design, made by my friend Sarah, who I gave one of these to a few years ago...

Anyway, this is truly Last-Minute Christmas.  But things don't have to be difficult to be thoughtful and pretty.  Roll this up with a pretty red bow and tuck in a packet of hot cocoa or coffee.  She'll love it.

About the music: just for a few days, in the spirit of Christmas.  And because I want you to hear Taylor Swift's version of Silent Night.  Awesome.

wordless (ish) wednesday

 

I swear I feed her.

That cute number in her hair was made by a lovely reader who wanted to bless my girls with her bow-making talent and sent me a card full of pinks and dots and flowers.  These will quiet my North Carolina friends who balk that my girls leave the house with a head full of naked hair every day.  Thank you, Katrina!. 

 

life goes on

It was Lora's birthday yesterday.  I didn't write a post honoring my sister.  I always do - on her actual birthday.  But our entire family was getting over a major stomach bug and I had gotten behind on laundry etcetera and the words just didn't come. Every time I sat down there was another phone call or thing to do, diaper to change, Evyn-story to listen to, and the words just never came (not that I wasn't thinking of her, mind you).  Somewhere in yesterday, in the twinge of guilt I felt for not writing, marks a lesson I have learned: Life goes on.  And I can't be afraid of it.

I joined a Sudden Loss group not long after Lora died.  Everyone there wanted so badly to be rid of the pain.  Not me.  I wanted to always have it there as a reminder.  To me, the extent to which I hurt, that her name was raw pain--that was a measure of how deeply I loved her.  What I didn't know was that whether I liked it or not, time would curb the hurt.  Because life does go on.  I was sad to lose it.  The intense pain, that is.  I felt guilty, wondered if I was somehow betraying her by not crying on every birthday, by coming to enjoy mine again.

I was afraid time would take her away.  It wasn't too long after she died that I started forgetting just a little.  Exactly how she laughed, what she looked like.  The mannerisms, the memories.  It worried me.  And then along came the girls.  Those serendipitous little girls. 

  

I always imagined having two boys.  There were a lot of boys on James' side of the family so it seemed inevitable.  And then we had two girls.  Three years and a month apart.  I wanted to avoid the obvious trap of bestowing all of my memories and expectations of sisterhood on them, so I have been conscious to not compare them too much to Lora and I, and to nurture their individuality as they reveal themselves.  But the effort to not compare is sometimes a little hopeless.  I see Lora in each of them - Evyn's passion and appreciation for every little detail of life, Ashlyn's pillowy pudge feet and affinity for the forbiddenest corners of the house.  And watching them is like watching the two of us.  Maybe it's birth order, but Evyn is smart, capable, well-spoken, argumentative, and overly-responsible (yes, she's only four).  Ashlyn (so far) is fiesty, mischievious, loves to cuddle on a whim, fiery mad when she doesn't get her way, and follows Evyn around like a puppy.  They are Evyn and Ashlyn, but on some days, in certain moments, they could be Crystal and Lora. 

There is a lot of pain and sadness in the fact that Lora, my little sister who adored babies and children, who would have spoiled these two to the moon and back, who would probably already have two of her own by now, is not here.  But if there is redemption, if I want to enjoy my life, to respect and honor our loss but have a fulfilling life nonetheless, I only have to listen at the door when my girls are giggling and screeching and squealing in their rooms. 

There is a caveat. I do realize it's almost a burden for them to bear - to remind me so much of my happiness with Lora.  I'm conscious of it, and I'll toe the line carefully.  But my girls will probably pay for that driver's negligence for the rest of my life--when they ask for their license, when they're gone four minutes longer than they should have been, when they go off to college, when they reach Lora's age.  That's a consequence of our free will.  Good people sometimes pay for others' mistakes.  I'll cross those bridges when I come to them.  For now I'll pray for their safety, and that they will be blessed by each other as much as or even more than Lora and I were.

 

Today is my birthday.  The tenth without a phone call from Lora.  James and Evyn are making me a cake, and later we'll take the girls to the bookstore for coffee and the train table, where Evyn will introduce everyone to Ashlyn and remind the children to not step on her, and Ashlyn will throw trains and look for coffee to spill.  It will be a good day.  Because the very fact that life goes on has been what has brought my sister back to me.  Sometimes the pain, but always the depth of love.

Other Lora Posts: Galations 2:20; Love, Sissy; Little Sister (I remember waiting Ashlyn's arrival almost like waiting for a gift from Santa just for Evyn) 

dancing queen

Sometimes we just turn the music on and let her go...

slacker christmas decor

This is what you do if you've been collecting Christmas fabric for three years in a row with all the intentions in the world of making stockings and table toppers or other miscellaneous Christmas-themed items...and then it's gotten too late to bother:  fold and stack them in a pretty wire basket and make it part of your Christmas decor anyway.

Look a little closer and you'll even see a pair of pants I thrifted from Goodwill a couple of years ago with the intention of turning it into a bag.  Yep - I even squeeze laundry into my Christmas decor.

That basket beside it holds all the plastic bags left over from grocery trips (even though I keep meaning to take my cloth bags darnit).  I stuck a small wreath and some large pine cones on top.

And that scalloped plate?  I bought a 99 cent rub-on from Michael's and one popsicle-rubbing stick and ten minutes later I had a Christmas platter.  Before you go calling me clever, I have to give credit to that idea to all the crafty bloggers out there who have been doing this for a while now with scriptures and poems and such. 

seeing red

This year I am digging Christmas.  I bought half a dozen Christmas magazines two months ago and earmarked almost every page, making lists and lists of things to make.  But in the end, slightly handicapped by 8 days out of town, I decided to pare down my list to the easiest things I could do to "Christmas up" the joint.

My bedroom is a lovely shade of blue and I have very neutral bedding.  I wanted to have just a little bit of Christmas in here, too.

It's subtle, but I like the change (I think those mirrors are begging for small black or red satin bows, don't you?).  I bet you could find easy ways to tastefully spruce up your room for the holidays.  In this case, I bought red pillowcases (not the sheets - too expensive), added a red pillow I had at the house, and added a bough/window sash-thingy I got at Michael's for $2.

James doesn't like the bough sash-thing, but I love it.  No nails required.  Garland is just a bunch of wirey twist ties, so I stuck two of them behind the picture.

This room is visible from our living space, so I thought the fifteen minutes was worth the time.  Do you all bother to decorate the less thought-about spaces in your home (the bathroom, the mudroom, etc), or is that just beyond the Christmas decorating scope for you?

retract the christmas claws: having a merry christmas

Everyone knows patience is not my virtue.  If you are one of those patient and kind at all times types, I am jealous of you.  Since I know this is my shortcoming, and I also realize I live in a world where things don't necessarily fall into place around me, I've learned a few tricks for dealing with recurring irritations.  Of particular note is shopping - especially during the Christmas season, when it seems like everyone (especially female) has brought out their Christmas Claws.

How to have a Merry Christmas (Even If You Must Shop Walmart)

In the Parking Lot:  Most of you aren't bludgeons for punishment like I am.  I actually go to Walmart.   I've been on Payday (you military families know what that means).  I've been on Sundays after church.  I went five centimeters dialated the evening before being induced with Ashlyn.  I've been on Black Friday.  And I continue to venture out during the Christmas Season.  So I know all about The Parking Lot.  I've done the spy-a-spot-on-the-other-side-of-the-aisle-and-careen-around-the-corner-only-to-be-scooped-by-a-little-coupe dance.  I've done the wait-for-a-truck-to-back-out-with-blinker-on-only-to-by-scooped-again-by-a-brat-with-a-license jig.  And what I've finally realized is that there is usually a spot about five or six spaces down.  That's what? Thirty feet?  Is it that much harder to walk a whole thirty extra feet when I'm about to cruise from one corner of Walmart to the other?  Bottom line:  skip the dances and save yourself some frustration.  Park in the first totally available nobody's-going-to-take-it spot.

In the Aisle:  also known as Bumper Cars.  I can't tell you how irritated I get when folks don't show proper cart etiquette.  In the Army we had these helpful little arrows on the floor directing traffic.  Sounds regimented but the protocol really helped avoid aisle congestion.  Especially on Payday.  Anyway, you get my point.  Whether you're hopping over toys and decorations strewn about the floor, or stuck wedged between a wall of greenery and a shopping cart, or even if it's just you and some lady staring at the same widget on the shelf, the aisle can actually be a really friendly place - if you make it that way.  Be a little apologetic if you're the Problem Child in the aisle.  And if you're stuck behind someone who won't let you get by, assume they just don't know you're there and try a polite - cheery, even - "excuse me, please."  And if you're the chatty type, feel free to make an observation - "boy, they must not have planned these aisles for an actual cart," or "that's a lovely wreath in your basket" as you're awkwardly scraping your cart against hers to get by.  You'd be surprised how many small, friendly and even helpful conversations this opens up.  One lady taught me how to turn my outdoor light fixture into an outlet.  Later she told me how to dry oranges (I was there a while).  I was able to help another lady figure out how to hang the garland sashes under her window (she said, "what a blessing I ran into you" before she left - now how nice is that??).

In line:  Oh, I know this one, too.  You're in the elite Twenty Items or Less aisle and the person in front of you is counting forty-two cans of cat food as one item.  Or you're behind someone who picked up the one item on the shelf that isn't marked and the person they're calling (over and over) for Price Check is on smoke break.  Or this Problem Child in front of you is arguing the merits of her coupon.  Or she can't find three pennies.  Whatever it is, here's what you do:  remember you've been the Problem Child, too.  And you probably will be again.  So show a little grace and use the six minutes in captivity to make a phone call or read that tabloid article you're pretending not to care about.    

At the Checkout:  So now you've finally arrived at checkout.  Remember this lady or gentleman (or brat-with-a-license) has been dealing with Christmas Claws and Price Checks all day.  Try empathy.  A simple "so how tiring has this shift been?" can go a long way to cracking a smile.  If you're not the chatty type, at least offer a sincere "Merry Christmas" before you go.  Every time.  You'd be surprised how much it helps your mood to say it out loud a few times.

And a final note: mind your witness.  In Upstate New York I worked for a television station, and I learned early on to mind my witness.  I don't recall the specifics, but at some point one morning on my way to work I got irritated with a car in front of me.  I began honking and ranting before I realized it was a young woman.  Probably a parent.  Maybe one of the parents who attended my workshops.  Or saw me talking about children's programming on television.  It occurred to me that I was not entirely anonymous in that town and going forward I was mindful that I was always representing our station. You get the point: whether you're representing your faith or trying to be a good example for your kids, remember your actions speak louder than words.  And please know I'm assuming all you sweet readers are great at this, but writing it is a good reminder to myself.

So there it is - a few thoughts to ponder.  Maybe you have a thought to share...let's hear it!

a successful first party for Baby A

We are back and I'm so very behind.  Ashlyn's party went off perfectly.  My friends and gracious hosts Paul & Kat didn't bat an eye when 25 people (half of them children) squeezed into their home and I am so grateful for having been able to feel at home so many miles away.  It was a blessing to get to have so many of our family and friends there, including my grandparents and my mom, who was really not well enough to come but who wanted to be there badly enough to make it work.  My mom and I - we're "make it work" kind of people.  

There were walking lessons (hey, don't look at me; you know I'll have no part in helping my baby morph into a toddler).

And cake, which Ashlyn was not at all afraid of.

There were presents (she dug in like a champ).

And guests who thoroughly enjoyed watching her open them (just keeping it real here, folks).  Apparently watching a twelve month-old tear open presents for half and hour isn't every adult's idea of a fun afternoon.

We even did our traditional pinata, which was rather morbidly hung from the basketball hoop.

 

I loved how very quintessential this birthday party was.  Pizza, subs, kids, candy...bored adults.  It was so absolutely perfect and I'm grateful for it.  I was even a little proud of myself for scaling this one down and kicking back to enjoy it.  No fuss.  No fretting.  No looming deployment.  Just home-grown fun.

The only bummer was that I didn't really get any "money shots" of just Ashlyn in her little dress, on her special day.  It's just too difficult -- with 25 people milling about in a small space, helping keep track of both kids and keeping a party moving forward -- to also be the photographer. 

But the bottom line was it was a great day and a great trip, and I'm pretty sure Ashlyn thinks so, too.