This morning I went to my new Bible study at PWOC, located at the main chapel on post. As I walked in, I noticed that there were several soldiers lined up, apparently "practicing" for something. I wondered, is there a memorial today? Military funerals and memorials are rehearsed to precision. That thought alone made me sad. That this is a part of our daily lives - memorials for young men and women.
After worship, before moving on to our class, one of the leaders mentioned that we would need to finish timely. There was to be a memorial for a soldier in our chapel that afternoon. Ah, I thought. So we did lose another one. So. So. Sad.
Then I went to my class - Too Busy Not to Pray. A large group of 16 settled into our seats and got started. The usual chatter and excitement of a new class bubbled in the room, catching up after not seeing each other over the summer. We started the discussion. Then, there it was. The sound of a trumpet right outside our window. Just two notes - two notes - into "Taps" and several of us were in tears. The trumpeter was obviously practicing for the memorial as well. He stopped after just a couple of bars. But we were already scrambling for tissues.
The teacher paused for a split second, obviously wondering if she should acknowledge it. But she decided to keep the class together and press on. We had a nice discussion for another twenty minutes, talking about what kept us from praying, what drew us to prayer, so on and so forth and then POP! A single gunshot. All of us jumped. POP! Another one. And there it was...the lead in to the full strain of a trumpet now dutifully rehearsing "Taps." That was all it took for one poor girl to gather her things clumsily and mutter, "That's enough. I have to go. My husband's batallion [obviously deployed] has had a rough month [Army-speak for "lost soldiers"] and I can't take this." Several of us were already in tears. Before she could leave, our teacher asked to pray.
"Taps" continued to play in the background. Several of us (including me) were sobbing as the teacher asked God for comfort - for those of us whose spouses were in constant danger, for the families of this poor soldier who would be honored today, for all of us trying to serve this country and countries around the world. We continued with the class, but I didn't entirely recover.
After class as I picked up E. from childcare, I was relating the story to the woman in charge (also a military spouse). I told her how my heart was heavy for these families. She smiled and hugged me, gratefully, "Thank you. You don't know how much that means to me. The soldier was in my husband's batallion. In fact, I just found out we lost another one this morning." She paused. "Three weeks, Crystal. They're three weeks from coming home." I just shook my head.
I went home and logged onto a military message board, where I opened up a post from a poor woman who had just been told her husband's truck was hit by two bombs - but they had no additonal information for her. This is actually totally against Army protocol - to give families half-information. But sometimes people mess up. At this writing, hours later, this woman is still bawling her eyes out wondering if her husband is dead or alive. We have been taught "no news is good news," so that is the single thread she is hanging onto.
I've been reflecting on this all day. That this is our life. And I bet the world outside doesn't even know. I was talking to a friend tonight who said her eyes have been so opened since she married into the military. After 12 years in a professional life as a civilian, she married her Army husband only a few years ago. She says she never knew. She saw it on the news but she never really knew or appreciated how much there is to deal with - how very many soldiers have lost limbs, lost life. How many young wives and mothers were now widows. How bombs and Taps are a part of our daily lives. We're all affected by it. Even after returning, many of them have lost their sense of peace, silently suffering Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
She said she is still awed by the military community. Frankly, today, I am stunned by it. Not that today's events were so unusual than my other days. I am constantly reading messages from women about their husbands having lost a friend in battle, or a soldier in their unit having lost limbs. I am frequently re-routed around our Army post by orange cones and men in uniform guarding the street for another memorial. But today I am exhausted. And tonight I will cry. I'll cry for the soldier's memorial today, for the family who was notified this morning that their loved one died just three weeks from his homecoming, and for the poor woman who is sitting in her house alone and wondering what will come of the shocking news that her husband has been hit by a bomb.
Please don't misunderstand this post. I don't want pity. I want prayers for these families. I want people to know. It's not just the news. It's our life.
Thanks for being a listening ear.
Links of interest: Taps: the tune & history, The Music Man
I found your blog while looking at apron patterns this morning. I have been bawling for hours. Amazingly, I am reading this in September of 2008 and you started writing in 2005. My brother Doug is coming home in October. My daughter is due to have a little girl in November and in early 2009, her young man Robert is scheduled to deploy. I love your honesty in writing this. I am so thankful for all you have done. I have bookmarked your site. I think it will be really helpful for Jessica when Robert deploys.
I am so proud of what you have accomplished while J was deployed. You have taken on single parenthood amazingly! Please tell J I am so proud of him as well. I loved all of the pictures you have and the man dance video made me laugh out loud!
Thank you!
Posted by: Ruomrar | 09/06/2008 at 08:16 AM
I happened upon your site/blog while searching for different craft ideas. I am retired military have been out now for more than twenty years. I was very touched by your words and will pray for you and your family as well as others. I am currently working at Walter Reed AMC so I see the effects of IRAQ and AFGANISTAN daily.
Posted by: Guin | 07/16/2007 at 12:18 PM
I happened upon your site/blog while searching for different craft ideas. I am retired military have been out now for more than twenty years. I was very touched by your words and will pray for you and your family as well as others. I am currently working at Walter Reed AMC so I see the effects of IRAQ and AFGANISTAN daily.
Posted by: Guin | 07/16/2007 at 12:18 PM
I am so relieved for that poor woman. I can't even imagine how horrible that must have been for her!
I do and will keep all of you who sacrifice so much in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for all you do.
Posted by: Georgia | 09/18/2006 at 02:57 PM
Thank you for writing this blog. My son deploys the end of October..He is in training in Shelby now..and then on to Bragg...then to ?
He is intel and so we will not know where he will be. When your son is going over and he cannot share anything..any information is helpful to just feel connected to him....even the time and the weather on your sidebar are a comfort....strangely enough.
Blessings on you..and I will be back for certain.
Posted by: Dawn | 09/16/2006 at 01:29 PM
Seems like everywhere I am is an exception to the rule, post-wise. This is predominantly an air force area, so it's different. I have no FRG. There aren't a lot of casualties and memorials publisized. I'm totally out of every loop imaginable. And while that is frustrating, I have to admit, it may be better for my sanity! Sam tried to call 3 days ago, but the connection was bad and he couldn't hear me. I only heard him say "hello?" He hasn't emailed in a week. I don't know where he is. But my brother is on his way home next week! One down, one to go!
I'm praying for you and the other families there.
Posted by: christina | 09/16/2006 at 03:54 AM
Your post (and really your whole blog) have touched me deeply. I cried reading this post, and also the R&R ones. I am an Air Force wife, but my husband has not deployed yet, they keep getting cancelled at the last minute. My twin brother is also USAF and will be deploying next spring, only a couple mos after his first child is due. They play Taps every night and it always brings tears to my eyes. The Army base near us has lost soo many troops and got extended an extra 3 mos when many were already on their way home. I just cannot even imagine the strength that it takes to get through that. I will be praying for you, J., and little E and all the other families of those deployed. Bless you all.
Posted by: Ruth | 09/15/2006 at 08:58 PM
Hey Chrystal,
I love reading your blog. "E" is a little doll. I just wanted you to know I enjoy reading and see how creative you are. You & my sister (Lacey) both are so talented and make the most of ya'lls time (how about that southern slang ya'll). By the way in case you haven't figured it out, this is lacey's sister (holly, the one who had thanksgiving in New York with you and James). I know you can not wait for James to come home to you. I will keep you guys and James in my prayers until he is home safe with you again. Keep up the good work on your blog.
Holly
Posted by: Holly | 09/15/2006 at 05:28 PM
Thank you for sharing your day and reminding me how lucky I am. My husband returned home safely almost 4 weeks ago and I thank God every day that he's home and that Riley will know his Daddy. I will pray for J and for you as you await his safe arrival home. And of course, constant prayers for all our troops...
Posted by: Meagan | 09/14/2006 at 05:15 PM
What can any one say after reading your words. I just sat and cried hurting for those that hurt and hurting for you, little "E" and "J". I haven't ever had to deal with the military like you do. I am so grateful and thankful for those of you that do. Your strength leaves me in awe. You just don't know how many prayers go up for families like you and all those wonderful, beautiful men and women of our military. Thank you. I love you all and can't wait for "J" to come home.
Posted by: Darlene | 09/14/2006 at 03:48 PM
Crystal,
It is exhausting and it is okay to cry. I find myself torn between displaying 'strength' to the outside world and curling up in the fetal position and letting the tears do the talking. Your post was beautifully written and you captured the thoughts of military wives everywhere. When J. comes home (its getting closer!) you better believe that I will be filled with joy that day.
Posted by: Karen | 09/14/2006 at 11:44 AM
And a quick update: The woman got a call from her husband this morning - almost 24 hours after being told his truck was hit by two bombs and nothing else about his condition. He is okay. He had wanted to call sooner, but was told to start fixing his Humvee first. Gotta love the Army.
Posted by: **Crystal** | 09/14/2006 at 10:09 AM
My husband has not yet been deployed since we've been together. Our first (his second) comes soon, in the spring. Your post reminded me that life is so fragile and that it takes a special kind of woman to go on living her world as if there is no war zone. Our war zone is everyday life though. We have to pretend to the world that everything is ok and that we aren't terrified. I've been following your Blog (I'm on CinC so I know about the post you were talking about) and this entry is just one of the many that I've connected with. I will keep you, your husband and the many others in my prayers and thoughts. - Christine (hinote1980)
Posted by: Christine | 09/14/2006 at 09:48 AM
I will pray for these families.
Posted by: stephanie | 09/14/2006 at 01:35 AM